Have you noticed that sometimes your brain pulls funny tricks on you?
Today, I had just finished assembling a lighting system for my indoor plants,
when I thought, “You know, that light should be angled a little differently.” Well, when I tried to change it, I started a chain reaction with the rest of the system and ended back to where I started. Oh No!
For a quick second, my brain said “Hit the Undo Button.” You know, that little reverse arrow icon on your word processing system that lets you undo your last action.
Really, that
was the first thing that entered my mind as a solution! LOL!
But this
blog post is not about spending too much time on computers, but rather, about how
none of us have an Undo Button in life and about exploring
the impact that regrets have on your health, and most importantly what you can
do about your regrets.
There have
been many scientific studies that show the negative impact regrets have on our
health. To quote one, "The emotional distress of regrets can trigger
biological dysregulation of the hormone and immune systems that makes people
more vulnerable to develop clinical health problems -- whether a cold or other
potentially longer-term health problems.” Carsten Wrosch, a professor in
Concordia's Department of Psychology and a member of the Centre for Research in
Human Development
WOW! I had
no idea! So what can we do about it when
decisions we have made come back to flood our brains? We all
want to be healthier, right? Here are six
quick, but proven effective, suggestions:
1. Rechannel your “regret thoughts” into a
new action. While you cannot hit the
“Undo Button” in life, if you are concerned you have harmed someone, you can
either apology to that person, and if that is not possible or they will not
accept your apology, then rechannel the energy you are spending on regrets into
a positive action in your life right now. You can
improve the lives of others, even if you cannot take back your actions to the
one you offended. Start thinking about what you can do now to improve this
world. 
2. Journaling.
I know this may sound a little lame, but try it. Studies have shown that when you write, it
helps your brain put things in context. Honestly review what your regret is.
Sometimes when you do this and think about the context you made the decisions
to act or say what you did, you come to realize there were no other resources
you had at that time to do anything else.
Writing is a good way to explore what you can do Now, since you cannot
undo the past.
3. Compare your
situation that has come about because of your words/actions with other people
who are in worse shape than you are. I
always tell people to not compare themselves to others but this is the exception to that rule. i.e.
Sometimes I feel blue about my health and wish I would have made better
health decisions in the past, but then I compare myself to people who cannot
even get out of bed, and magically I feel better about my own situation.
4. Turn your
thoughts to whatever higher power you believe in. The definition of what constitutes a higher
power varies from person to person. This
step took me on a little reading journey about what people consider to be a
higher power. A common thread was that believing
in a higher power is not about “wishing and magically things would change” but
rather finding peace with a situation. I am a Christian so I asked the person I
rely on for moral direction, my aunt, what Biblical scripture she thought
should be mentioned in an essay about regret and how to deal with it. She named
Phillipians 4: 6-7 “ Do not be anxious about
anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.” Note it states nothing about the situation changing only about
the peace.
5. Focus
on the Present, not the past. You
probably have heard the old adage that “The reason your automobile’s windshield
is larger than the rear view mirror is because the past is not as important as
your future. “
6. Replace your thoughts of regret with positive
thoughts. Your brain believes what you
are feeding it. When you go over and
over again the regrets you have about the past, your brain thinks you are
experiencing those times right now and reacts accordingly. See the red italics in the scientific quote at
the beginning of this blog for the reason this is bad for you. Change your thoughts, change your life!
Just
this month I was visiting a resident of a long-term-care-facility that has a
habit of being negative. (Yes, I say
“habit” because I truly believe that concentrating on the negative in life
instead of the positive is a habit we learn.)
I explained to the resident that our “brain believes what we feed it”,
we had a nice discussion about that instead of something negative. It takes a while to change any bad habit, but
it can be done.
Because our
Betty Brewer’s Angels volunteers visit the same resident of a long-term-care
facility on a weekly basis, a friendship forms and eventually they hear about the
resident’s life regrets. We encourage
our volunteers to seriously listen, sympathize, perhaps share briefly a regret
they have and more importantly the
solution they have found to cope with it, and then to gently offer one of the
above suggestions I just shared with you.
Usually #3 and #5, works best with the residents along with ideas on how
they can brighten the lives of other residents right now.
And by the
way, I am practicing what I am preaching by writing this blog. You see, I was
regretting not writing a blog posting in a while, so I decided to do something
Right Now by sitting down and writing this blog. Laughing here, true story, but still
laughing.
Wondering how you can
make this world a better place? Do you have a kind and caring heart? Then you qualify to become a Betty Brewer’s
Angel volunteer! We provide initial and
ongoing training and support for our volunteers. Contact me to learn more about
our organization. And please, feel free to comment below your thoughts about the Undo Button.
Email www.bettybrewersangels@wowway.com or call me 614-309-4677 with any questions. I would
love to hear from you.
