Don't sing songs to a heavy heart! 
 The resident I have visited with for over 2 years, recently heard from two physicians words none of us ever want to hear. The doctor who did her colonoscopy, “You have a malignant tumor”  Then several weeks later her surgeon, “The cancer has spread and we could not get it all.”   I was present during both pronouncements.  Immediately, because I am a “fix it” type of person, I wanted to….well, fix it.  But obviously I couldn't. 

 So then I thought if I could say just the right words I could at least fix how she felt.  Even I knew I was wrong about that. So I talked to the surgeon, my pastor, and I prayed. Boy, did I pray to please, please if she could not be cured, to please show me how I can help her.

I remember saying to myself, “Listen” and “Recognize the problem”   A week passed and I started wondering why I knew to do the above, when it occurred to me that I took a workshop in 2010 at Westminster-Thurber’s (http://westminsterthurber.org/blog) "Tools For the Servant” workshop based on the book by Ph.D. Kenneth C. Haugk , “Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart, How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering.” 

(The title is taken from Proverbs 25:20   “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.) 

The excellent presentation at the workshop was by Joanne Foster.   Thankfully that workshop stayed with me, even if I didn't remember immediately where I learned it.  Initially I thought I would share some of the suggestions presented by Ms. Foster with our volunteers, but then decided it was important advice for everyone.   Here they are:

Listen:  Be quiet and follow their lead, Focus o them, NEVER share horror stories. Listening is the closest thing to a magic bullet in your care skills.

Love and Care are Actions: Send cards and notes, Make phone calls, Ask questions, Use humor carefully, Share reading materials, Assure people of God’s love

Words that hurt and NEVER should be used: I know how you feel, It’s for the best, Keep a stiff upper lip, At least……, You should/shouldn’t…..

This brave resident whom I have had the privilege of visiting is not an educated person, but she is a Christian. She doesn't recite Bible verses.  I don’t even know if she has ever read the Bible, but she believes in Jesus and she lives her faith. She has had more tragedy in her life than you can imagine, but she is unwavered in her faith..  So after her initial shock and recovery from surgery I reminded her that no matter what humans say or think, God has a plan for us and He will take care of us.  She replied, heartily, “OH I KNOW!” Then she told me a visiting pastor once sang her the song “His Eye is on the Sparrow” and it is her favorite hymn. 

The refrain of that song is:

                    “I sing because I'm happy

                     I sing because I'm free

                     His eye is on the sparrow

                     And I know he watches me”

She said “You know He watches me too.”  I agreed.  I printed out the words to that song with some graphics and today she asked me to hang it on her wall.

 People often say to our volunteers what a wonderful thing we are doing but I want you all to know that we receive much more than we ever give. We learn about bravery and faith and love from the residents we visit.       

If you have a caring heart and want to learn more about BBA, please contact me, Cheryl L. Newman at 
bettybrewersangels@wowway.com
614-309-4677

   

Have you ever gone through a rough patch and after a while the rough patch prompted a mild depression?  These last six months have been a challenge for me health wise and then several weeks ago I literally fell flat on my face. 

 With a concussion, and a face that looked appropriate for Halloween, I started to feel sorry for myself and became a little depressed.  To counteract this, I decided to list my blessings.  When I started the list I was in such a mood that I did not think there were going to be that many blessings.   What a surprise I had.  

As I started to write the list, the list kept growing until I knew there really was no end to it. That is when I realized how blessed I really am.  I started with listing the great, supportive friends I have and it just went from there.  Even I could not hold onto my dark feelings as the list became longer and longer.   I ask you today, in the midst of your troubles, have you listed your blessings recently?

One of the top blessings on my personal list, is our Betty Brewer Angel’s volunteers.  They all have had, or are, experiencing personal problems and tragedies and yet they chose to focus on making other people’s lives better.

Bev Scholes is just this type of person.  She is a little shy, although you would not pick up on that when she is talking about how Betty Brewer’s Angels is changing lives.  

                                          Bev and her husband, Herb, at Fourth of July parade.

Bev graciously wrote her bio for me when I asked her to share a bit about herself: Hopefully when you read the bios of our volunteers that will be posted every so often in this blog, you will come to realize there is not a stereotypical Betty Brewer’ Angel volunteer, Our volunteers come in all sizes, shapes, ages, personalities, and backgrounds but what they do have in common is they all have caring hearts.  If you have a caring heart, and would like to know more about the work Betty Brewer’s Angels does, please contact me.                                   

Bev Scholes:  "I am one of several Silent Angels volunteers for Betty Brewer’s Angels.  We are “extra hands” wherever needed. I have helped with decorating our truck for the Whitehall 4^th of July parade for the last couple of years and helped with passing out flyers to the many people along the parade route. 

 I am usually very quiet but the excitement of the parade and the crowd brought out a more sociable side of me. I am very proud to be one of Betty Brewer’s Silent Angels.  

I have been married to one of Betty Brewer’s Angels (Herb) for 48 years. I enjoy walking and the parade was a great opportunity to walk and spread the word about Betty Brewer’s Angel’s. I also enjoy working in my yard, sewing, and have started learning to quilt. I have begun helping with some quilting projects at our church for World Wide Relief. I am a member of Faith Lutheran Church where I sing in the choir and volunteer with a variety of projects." 

Thank you, Bev, for always saying “Yes” whenever we ask you for help and for being such a strong advocate of Betty Brewer’s Angels.  I call Bev and her husband “ninja volunteers” because they are unstoppable!  Bev modestly states at the end of her statement that she volunteers for a variety of projects. That is an understatement but is in keeping with her humble attitude.   Bev, you are an inspiration! 

For more information about Betty Brewer's Angels: 

email: bettybrewersangels@wowway.com

phone: 614-309-4677